A fantastic evening….

Before the birthday gazebo came down we decided to have a take-away in it, complete with candles. It was lovely. Just me and em, the Burnetts, my lovely sister and her hubby and of course Leah. It was most civlilised. I enjoyed myself very much.

Emma is 30

Emma is 30. It was her birthday on Sunday. We had a party. A barbecue in the garden. It was lovely. Pete did the barbecue which was a brilliant help. He wore an apron and everything. The sausages were really nice. But the burgers were fantastic. I had three. Which was about the equivalent of twelve cheapo ones. We bought them from a farm. Emmas mum bought the cake. It was gorgeous. I had some for breakfast the next day. I also had some for tea tonight. With jelly and squirty cream and sprinkles. Proper chocolate cake. Yummy. I made the punch. I was very careful to tell everybody it was alcoholic. There was only one slight mishap. Somebody thought I said alcohol free. Sorry Nick. Oh well. It so very much wasn’t alcohol free. I started with loads of ice then poured a bottle of wine in, a cup of vodka and a cup of brandy. Then I played around with lemonade, ginger beer, pineapple juice, cranberry juice, apple juice and orange juice. I put loads of chopped and sliced fruit in. Apple, orange, lemon, lime, peach, plum, banana and pineapple. I didn’t add grapes because Emma thought people might choke. She’s so sensible. That’ll be because she’s thirty now. Finally I added lime juice every now and again to keep it tasting fresh. I liked it a lot. The first cupful nearly knocked me out. Because I’d been tasting along the way. And I hadn’t consumed any alcohol for about three months. And that was only a glass of wine. I did add more juices once I realised how potent it was. I also made vodka jellies. Very nice with squirty cream and sprinkles. Emma hired an entertainer. A magician, no less. He was funny. Very good with a piece of rope. The kids thought he was great. Especially the balloon animals he produced for them. I made up a quiz. About Emma. That’s just the kind of thing we do round our way. I think there may have been a little bit of cheating going on. Naming no names. You know who you are! She got some fab prezzies. An engraved silver bracelet which was obviously her favourite prezzie. Because I bought it. Ha ha. And a stuffed blue bunny with a rainbow on it’s chest. I made it a girl but she’s decided it’s a boy. He might be called Samson. Or he might not. A picnic bench which we’ll put together at the weekend. A laptop case of the backpack variety. Brilliant idea. A giant spacehopper. It was fun to watch people bounce around the garden. A comfy bicycle saddle which can be pumped up with air. A cool watch. A stripy rainbow blanket. A brilliant belt with smiley faces all over it. Very Emma. Some chocky/sweetie type goodies. Some vouchers. Some cash. Some clothes. Loads and loads of other goodies currently strewn across the living room floor. It was lovely to see Sarah and Alex. And especially because they stayed over and we could have a good old natter. And Janet with her very sweet offspring. Obviously it was lovely to see everybody else but they’re all kind of regulars so maybe don’t need a special mention. Hopefully Emma enjoyed her birthday. That was the plan. Because I love her a lot. Because she is quite quite lovely.

Pictures will follow at some point. Life is far to hectic nowadays for the level of photo-taking and blogging to which I was accustomed. Shame because I miss it. But it’s all good. Placements. Socialising with friends and family. Academic work. Probably far more healthy that spending an hour a night in front of a computer writing about the day. Don’t ya think?

Been busy….

I went to Greenbelt two weeks ago. And I’m just starting to come down. I’ve re-realised (I had realised it before and forgotten) that I’m a bit all or nothing when it comes to spiritual matters. I either busy myself with day-to-day life, plodding on, keeping okay, being generally kind to myself, doing what needs doing, not thinking too much, not going to church too often and other things that might tip the balance too far. The occasional thoughts crop up along the lines of ‘I should read my bible more’ and ‘I should give more away’ etc. Sometimes I change little things accordingly but mostly I don’t really quite know how to pitch the changes so I put them on a back burner. Then every so often, I go into a spiritually manic episode complete with elation, some thought disorder and a definate slipping over into delusional beliefs. Obviously, they don’t feel delusional at the time. These ‘manic’ times are often triggered by things I’ve read or heard. The bible can do it. And usually does. That’s why I often only read it online in measured amounts. Too much church can do it. Depending on the speaker and/or topic. This time greenbelt did it. It’s sort of like the difference between 2 dimensional and 3 dimensional experience. In these times, everything becomes at least 4 dimensional. It’s brilliant at first. Everything starts to fall into place. I mean everything. Life, death, spirituality, faith, love. It’s all very exciting. Things I’ve never really understood become crystal clear. The trouble is I stop sleeping. I think. A lot. I lie in bed at night with thoughts whizzing through my brain. Mostly about abstract spiritual matters. In the end it’s non-stop and all I want to talk about. I can’t sustain life at that level for very long really. All the senses are sharpened. It’s like life in technicolour. And it often gets a bit scary. I usually figure (probably accurately) that there is absolutely no way of knowing who God is. Because we can only imagine based on what we’ve experienced. Like I can’t create a mental image of a colour I haven’t seen with my eyes. We all use the same words but we can’t possibly know if we’re talking about the same things. The fact that we argue about theological principles seems ludicrous. I usually conclude that there is no way of knowing anything at all. Not for sure. Which has serious implications in how we live. Or at least how I live. And relate. In the end it gets depressing too. Nothing has any point if I can’t be sure of anything. I did eventually decide it has to all be about love for others. And that that’s where we get the strongest impressions of the God who is. Whether we’re giving or receiving love. Some time after making the connection that the God I pray to is probably an idol because I’ve fitted him into things I’ve known, I lay awake wondering whether praying to my idol God is a good or bad thing. Very soon after, I thought it was time to stop thinking for a while. Emma agreed. So did everyone else I asked. So, for the forseeable future, the hard-copy bible is back on the shelf. Random googling of philosophical and spiritual terminology has ceased. I’m deliberately just enjoying the good stuff going on around me. I’m lucky that life is good so it was fairly easy to shift the focus.

In essence though, these out-of-control times are fruitful. I do look at things from a different angle and the new understanding stays and it’s freeing and makes me live differently in small but significant ways. I haven’t done the process justice in this post. It’s not really possible to put some things into spoken or written language. Not for me anyway! And it is still continuing at a much slower pace. Something’s really very different inside. And it’s affecting my relationships and behaviour. It’s good. Miraculous even.

Roll on greenbelt 2009. Well worth the turbulence.