All at Sea - with a bucket and spade!

I’ve had an interesting and moving day. At about 2.30 this afternoon I had a call at work from somebody totally unexpected. Someone who always seems okay enough and who is brilliant at her job. Under the surface she’s in bits. She was given my number by a ‘professional’ and told to call me. I’m meeting her for a chat on Sunday. I’m fairly open about having my own frailties and vulnerabilities - that’s how come the person gave her my number.

It just somehow doesn’t feel like a co-incidence. There’s been a few of those co-incidences that don’t feel like co-incidences lately.

I had to end the call because someone was waiting outside my office to talk to me. She is somebody I’ve worked with. She’s Christian and she knows I am. She said that God had told her to bring me a box of books. Part of her process at the moment is moving on from being somebody with a ‘bad history’ to somebody who has her whole life ahead of her. And giving me this box was saying goodbye to a period in her life. This box of books fascinated me…

In 1999, I began to understand what my problems really were. Not the cause of my problems. I’d known that for ages. But how circumstances had impacted me and the survival strategies I’d used. I was diagnosed with DID soon after. I’m against labels as a rule. Often they just tell you who to be. But sometimes they can give you a starting point to move from. At the time, I looked for Christian information and resources. I managed to find a couple of websites that were helpful but nothing else. I phoned or wrote to all the big christian healing bods in the UK. Most didn’t know what I was talking about. Some said it was dodgy. The rest didn’t reply! It was a scary and very very lonely time.

Anyway this box of goodies was just what I was looking for back then! I laughed when I rifled through the box. All about dissociation and DID. And all Christian. Some of it has been produced in the last couple of years by the organisations who had no idea what I was talking about back then. In one way it was validating. In another I thought ‘no-one has to feel as alone as I did with it!’. Hopefully it will become better and better understood. It really ain’t rocket science after all!

That’s all I wanted to say really.

I’ve photo-shopped bits off the front of the book cover above (one of the books in the box) because this is a child friendly blog! You can look it up on amazon or somewhere if you’re interested. I think I’ll read this one.

Today at work I delivered a training course that I co-wrote. I’m a bit of a last minute kind of girl (as anyone who works with me knows) so all this week right up until 1am this morning I’ve been working. I’m normally pretty good at not taking work home but I don’t mind the odd manic burst of activity that will really be worth a week with no life! Anyway now it’s all done and I’m back. Feeling human again. We’ll be delivering the course every so often but all the planning, organising, collating resources, printing handouts and sticking it all in powerpoint is DONE! :-D 

I just wanted to say a couple f things. Kay came to do a brief talk as part of the training today. She was really good. I really like her! A lot!

Michelle and I went to the tin angel after work. It’s a nice place. They do pie. Haven’t been there before. It’s been ages since we sat an had a good natter. It wasn’t long enough but I really enjoyed it. I hope we go again soon.

I got home and Jeanette and Leah were in the house. Almost half of the people I know have keys to where I live. It’s great. You never quite know who you’ll find when you get home. I didn’t get much chance to chat with Jeanette or to play with Leah. I felt bad. I love spending time with Leah. I phoned later because I felt bad. So Leah is coming on Saturday for the evening. If her mum and dad don’t object, I’m kind of hoping she’ll stay the night.

Then Jeremy came with Doth. I hadn’t met Doth before. She’s brill. I like Jeremy anyway. Jeremy has a Harley. They stayed for a coffee and I found them really easy to be with and chat to. I didn’t want them to go!

Then Emma came in from work (she works til 8 on a Wednesday) and I had a natter with her about my day and her day. I always like a natter with Emma. Emma’s grandad is ill. He has cancer. And he’s old

Then Pauline came! After her evening class where she supports people learning English. And we had a good chat about a few things while I did some exercise on one of these. They cost £120 normally but we got a guddun for £20 off ebay. I would very much recommend one.

It’s now nearly 11 and I’m half expecting someone to ring the doorbell or walk in the back door.

I’m going to bed. I’m really really tired. But happy.

Anybody that followed the run up to my sister’s 40th birthday recently will remember that I posted pictures of her every day in the run up to the big day.

I went to my dad’s and raided his photos and I pulled mine out of the attic. Just to pick out the cutest and/or the most embarrassing!

Well, I’ve finally got round to tidying them up and came across this one. I really really wish I’d found this one earlier! It really capture’s her to a tee.

I’m not really sure what it was all about but she did go through a little ‘amateur dramatic’ phase. Must ask her!

Today I had to test the digital camera at work.

So I took a picture of my office.

This is the picture.

Nuff said!

I had one of those Sundays. I woke up but my body didn’t. I really hate it when that happens. After a good nights sleep I just have the feeling I could sleep all day. And I know that I actually could. I managed to tear myself out of bed but that was about it. Until late afternoon anyway.

I didn’t go to church. I’ve learned that if I do push myself on days like yesterday it generally doesn’t go well. I find it hard to relate with people as well as I usually do so I’ve found it’s easier to just stay out of the way.

By 3 o’clock I was feeling half human so I went to the range with Emma. I bumped into some lovely people I haven’t met for years - Wendy and Dave. I’ve met a few people recently who I knew over the same period of time in a particular church. Most of them have been put off for life. It’s sad how churches can do that to you. (I’m not saying Wendy and Dave have been put off for life although they may well have been). The thing I most remember about Wendy and Dave is that they really wanted a child and it just didn’t happen. Lots of people prayed. Wendy had boxes of baby stuff she used to get out and show me. I seem to remember Peter Rabbit featured quite strongly!

Anyway, with them in ‘The Range’ was Laura, aged 7, shopping for materials to make her Easter bonnet. She seems like a really nice-natured girl. Appropriately shy for her age but the type of child you can have a pleasant chat with. I liked her. Their little answer to prayer!

I always feel a bit uneasy telling people who don’t go to church that my church is good. The last things I want people to think are that

• I think it’s wrong not to go to church
• I think my church is perfect
• I think they should come to my church

I don’t think any of those things. But at the same time I do want people to know that if they ever were thinking of going somewhere then the one I go to is a safe place where you’re unlikely to be controlled, maipulated or judged. And you won’t be asked to commit to anything or give any money!

Later, I dyed some eggs and then made these. I got all these little plastic eggs (48 of them) in a big bag from the 99p shop. They’re all filled with various treats and fastened with adhesive ribbon to stop me eating the contents!

And then I had a bit of fun with Oscar the rabbit. I gently chucked a load of Easter bits and pieces over the lounge floor and then introduced (a very lively and extremely excited) bunny rabbit into the equation. It was very funny!

Except when he started to sniff my sweeties. Back in the cage for you Oscar! I don’t share!

After a lovely coffee in Marks and Spencer with Mu, I went to Home Bargains. These lovely bags of party jellies were not 99p, not 79p, not 59p, not 39p but mine for just 19 english pence a bag! So I bought 10. As you do. Goodness knows what I’m going to do with them all. I also bought 6 of these…

Next week I’m delivering a one-day course to people who are unemployed and have mental health issues. It’s part of a bigger training programme and various aspects are being delivered by different organisations. I went to meet the group yesterday and got chatting. I remembered when I was out of work and very much not well. Every day was the same. One of the things I love about working is that feeling when I wake up on saturday and I can do what I want. Monday morning isn’t so great but to be honest it ain’t that bad either. Anyway it’s saturday morning. In an hour (ish), I’m going to bike into town to meet Mu for a coffee. I’ll get home about 1 o’ clock to this:

I’ve got all sorts of delightful goodies on the dining table ready to make and do all afternoon. Easter prezzies for friends and kids at church and family. I might make a display for the window.

Emma went shopping yesterday. We don’t eat the same food but we do get shopping together and just split the cost. Mainly because it’s easier. If anybody comes around, they can eat whatever. And we can eat anything that’s there without asking or apologising or getting annoyed with each other.

Anyway she went asda yesterday (she doesn’t usually let me come - I take too long) and she brought me back these:

And a big tub of peach and passion fruit yoghurt and some jelly frogs. She knows me well!

 … and apparently British people have to blog snow. My blog didn’t exist then so I’m blogging it now! This was in February sometime. Can’t remember when exactly. But it was FAB. The perfect situation where you get to leave work early because the boss is worried about getting home but in actual fact it’s fine and you get to play in it! Most of the schools in Coventry were closed. Except Leah’s!

My very first ever snow angel. In the back garden. I’m proud.

 Me and Emma walked to the local park (at the end of our road). I made a snow cat because I like to be different. Emma made a snowperson because she’s different anyway.

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Maybe I should give up work?!!!

Are you tired too? Click here for a listening ear!

I have nothing in particular to say.
If there’s a new toy, I like to try it out.
And this picture is slightly amusing!